Trick or Eat! If Food Guy ran Halloween

If Food guy ran Halloween, these are ten things I'd make sure happened:

1. Instead of handing out candy, I'd hand out buffalo wings, chicken strips, quesadillas, breaded mushrooms - and other appetizer-type foods. Who needs the sugar anyway? When people got home, instead of checking for pins and needles, they'd check for bones.

2. Remember that one house on the block, where you always got the full-sized candy bar? You'd look forward to that each and every year. If Food Guy ran Halloween - I'd be that guy. But it wouldn't be a full-sized candy bar. Instead, I'd have the grill going, and when trick or eaters came by, I'd give them a nice juicy steak, or a brat, or a chicken breast. People would look forward to going to The Food Guy's each and every year.

3. I'd require costumes to be that of a chef, server, bartender, buffet line worker, fast food worker, grocery store cashier - anything that represents those who help us enjoy eating and drinking.

4. If someone came to the door and yelled: Trick or eat I would do two things. If it was a trick, I would do a trick with the food - like flipping some flapjacks. If they said eat, well, then I would eat, like 10 pieces of bacon, right in front of them. They would be so jealous they would go home, drop all their candy and try to find bacon.

5. I would also consider changing the name to a more food-oriented theme - maybe Halloweiner, for example.

6. Instead of carrying a pumpkin-themed basket to put candy in, I'd carry a Fry Daddy (it has a handle), with some hot grease...that way, if I got some wings or mushrooms, I could put them in and reheat them right away and eat from house to house.

7. Instead of carving pumpkins, I would encourage the carving of a ham. Or better yet, instead of cutting a scary face with a candle in it, I'd cut a face of a guy (or gal) eating. Instead of a candle, put a sandwich in his mouth, maybe a buffalo wing, something like.

8. Instead of scary shows clogging up the TV channels all night long, there would be all food-related shows on cable and network TV. No Halloween 4, instead, it would be Good Eats on the Food Network or Diners, Drives and Drive-ins, or Bizarre Foods - maybe for example, a look at Halloween with other cultures and the food they pass out on Halloween.

9. Instead of going to Halloween parties dressed up in their favorite costume, adult would go with their best potluck. Instead of "Oh look, the Smith's are dressed as Sonny and Cher" it would be "Oh look, the Smith's brought that great taco dip we had last year. I can't wait to get it."

10. I would have more food than any trick or eater on the block, and I would come home, eat it all and get sick - and be happy doing it.

Jimmy John's and KISS, a solid combination

I was hungry this morning so I went to Jimmy John's for lunch.

I've written about JJ's before and will probably do so again. I like their subs, but I just don't like the fact that you walk in and suddenly 6 people are like "dude, what's up?" "How's it going dude?" Everyone says hi - and dude - no matter where they are in the store. Today, I think I heard the manager yell "hey, dude, what's up?" while in the bathroom, mid dump.

Then the next thing that bugs me about JJ's is how when you order, they always upsell. Want peppers with that? Want cheese with that? Well, how come you are only asking me about the items you charge extra for?

Then, the workers don't really listen. Three recent times at this JJ's they made mistakes. I ordered the turkey tom for Food Gal the other day and before I got the "no mayo" out they had already put mayo on it. I ordered the roast beef with onions - and they forgot the onions. Then the other time, a turkey tom, I asked for no sprouts, and they added sprouts. Maybe if I sent a text message to the 15-year-old guy or girl making the sub they would get it right.

I don't care how fast you make the sub, or how speedy it is, I just want it done right. Also, I love loud music, the louder the better - except when I am ordering a sub. Why is the music so loud at Jimmy John's? Where in the business model did they think "really loud music, so loud that no one can hear anything is a positive?"

Today, however, I was pleased with the music. As I was ordering my vito (Italian sub), chips (jalapeno) and diet coke, the song "I Was Made For Loving You" by KISS was on the speakers. I hadn't heard that song in some time and was reminded of what a solid, steady song that was. I was singing the song in my head when I realized the song was actually a subliminal message from my sub. The song, I Was Made for Lovin You, was not really about KISS. It was a greeting from my sub about our experience we were about to emabrk on. Therefore, I suddenly was singing these lyrics and thinking about my sub:

I was made for eating you baby
You were made for me eatin you baby
And I can't get enough of you baby
Can you get enough or me?
I was made for eating you baby
You were made for me eating you baby

That moment made my day. Kiss and Jimmy John's. My sub wasn't the greatest today (the bread was a bit old I think and half of each bite contained lettuce and oil and no meat), but the combination of song and food made it a wonderful experience.

I immediately went home and played that video on YouTube - do the same yourself here - you know you want to: KISS - I was made for loving you

Black Tea: The new caffeine of choice?

Black tea. Have you tried it? It's flat out delicious. My personal favorite is Tetley black tea. It has natural ingredients and none of the sugars or chemicals that come in some other popular brand name teas. What's best about Black Tea? Well, the health benefits, and the CAFFEINE. YES I AM SHOUTING. I'VE HAD A LOT OF BLACK TEA AND AM HYPER. In all seriousness, who doesn't like a caffeine boost in the morning, afternoon or even evening? I know The Food Guy does, but I don't want to drink soda all day and don't like coffee. I've tried coffee but just can't acquire the test for it. I wish I was one of those eaters who could sit and think about coffee all day. On a side note, I woke up and read Facebook the other day and one guy posted how his week was complete because of these things "Coffee, family and the people in his life." That's what I don't get, people who love coffee LOVE coffee. I mean, they focus their entire day or life around it. I know one woman very well who if she doesn't get her coffee in the morning she gets quite cranky (no name listed here to protect this blogger). But people who love coffee post about it, Tweet about it and live for it. But for me, it's black tea that does the trick. It's a great pick me up for the morning. I won't be posting on Facebook or Tweeting about it, but then again I blogged about it, so maybe some day I will. I recommend adding some stevia for flavor, serving chilled over ice and maybe adding lemon. Try some today. YOU WILL LOVE WHAT IT DOES FOR YOU!

Black olives vs. Green olives

I’ve been a big fan of black olives on my sub sandwiches lately. This morning I was eating a footlong roast beef sub and it was tasty with black olives. Why doesn’t Subway have green olives available?

Do you like the whole olives or the cut olives? Pimento in or pimento out?

I like black olives on my sub, but on pizza I prefer green olives. Food gal loves green olives. Her favorite pizza is sausage, onion and green olive. I am more of a sausage, onion and mushroom kind of guy but that’s another story.

So, when it comes down to it, what is better the black olive or the green olive? Do you ever combine the two, say in a cold pasta salad? Do you ever get both olives on your pizza?

And what’s up with olive oil, why is it green? How come black olive oil isn’t made? Are their racial tensions in the world of olives, discrimination against the “black” olive?

Both have their pluses and minuses – which do you prefer?

Who buys grapes with seeds in them anyways?

I made the mistake of buying grapes with seeds in them the other day at the store. They were the dark purple ones, the big fat juicy ones. For some reason I thought they were seedless, but oh was I wrong.

My question is why in the hell would anyone buy grapes with seeds in them? How enjoyable is it to bite into a grape and pluck seeds out, no matter how juicy and tasty they are? In my opinion they shouldn’t even sell grapes with seeds in them. You can’t put them in salads, and they are work to eat. I ate three and tossed the remaining 8 or so I had in the bag in the garbage.

It was my fault, but why even sell them?

Share charges suck

I've never done it myself - share a plate at a restaurant. You know, one couple order one meal and share it. But it happens, I suppose.

Anyway, why can some restaurants get away with charging a $3 share charge for example? If one wants to go to a restaurant and order one menu item and share it, so be it. What if one was eating by themself? It's no different if two people are eating one meal.

I really don't think it costs them $3 to bring out an extra plate and for the dishwasher to wash it, so it's a bogus charge.

The simple solution is to both order a meal. But, in some cases - with people I don't know - there may be a need to share a meal. Maybe you ate earlier and want to eat again and just want to share some food, I understand that. But it's not right for a restaurant to charge a share charge for sharing a plate. We are the customer and we decide what we eat and how we eat it.

So, EAT!

Subway Lies in its TV Commercials! FALSE ADVERTISING

I can't help but get that Subway commercial stuck in my head: Five dollar, five dollar footlongs. It's catchy. I am not saying it's good, but it's catchy.

However, I've had it with Subway's misleading advertising. Next time you watch a Subway commercial, take a good close look at the Subs they show. They are piled high with meat - and they put the meat on top. COME ON! That is a blatant false advertisement! Subway never ever ever ever puts the meat on top of the vegetables when you fold the sandwich over. It's always on the bottom - and there is barely any meat to be seen.

Look here, I've ate Subway at 19 of the 50 states in the contintental U.S. and I have never ever ever had one sub that is loaded with meat on the top.

That's why it's false advertising. They show you one thing, then make another. It's the classic bait and switch. They put more meat on those subs in the commercial than they ever do on any sub - even if it's double meat.

Therefore, I am gathering a special blue ribbon, fact-finding committee (kind of like in Revenge of the Nerds when Stan Gable and Betty Childs form a committee to help the nerds in their quest for admission to the fraternity) who will help in pursuing a class-action lawsuit against Subway. The false advertising has got to stop - or else they need to start adding more meat to our subs!

They can take their five dollar, five dollar footlong and shove it....well, you can finish the rest.

EAT!