Trick or Eat! If Food Guy ran Halloween

If Food guy ran Halloween, these are ten things I'd make sure happened:

1. Instead of handing out candy, I'd hand out buffalo wings, chicken strips, quesadillas, breaded mushrooms - and other appetizer-type foods. Who needs the sugar anyway? When people got home, instead of checking for pins and needles, they'd check for bones.

2. Remember that one house on the block, where you always got the full-sized candy bar? You'd look forward to that each and every year. If Food Guy ran Halloween - I'd be that guy. But it wouldn't be a full-sized candy bar. Instead, I'd have the grill going, and when trick or eaters came by, I'd give them a nice juicy steak, or a brat, or a chicken breast. People would look forward to going to The Food Guy's each and every year.

3. I'd require costumes to be that of a chef, server, bartender, buffet line worker, fast food worker, grocery store cashier - anything that represents those who help us enjoy eating and drinking.

4. If someone came to the door and yelled: Trick or eat I would do two things. If it was a trick, I would do a trick with the food - like flipping some flapjacks. If they said eat, well, then I would eat, like 10 pieces of bacon, right in front of them. They would be so jealous they would go home, drop all their candy and try to find bacon.

5. I would also consider changing the name to a more food-oriented theme - maybe Halloweiner, for example.

6. Instead of carrying a pumpkin-themed basket to put candy in, I'd carry a Fry Daddy (it has a handle), with some hot grease...that way, if I got some wings or mushrooms, I could put them in and reheat them right away and eat from house to house.

7. Instead of carving pumpkins, I would encourage the carving of a ham. Or better yet, instead of cutting a scary face with a candle in it, I'd cut a face of a guy (or gal) eating. Instead of a candle, put a sandwich in his mouth, maybe a buffalo wing, something like.

8. Instead of scary shows clogging up the TV channels all night long, there would be all food-related shows on cable and network TV. No Halloween 4, instead, it would be Good Eats on the Food Network or Diners, Drives and Drive-ins, or Bizarre Foods - maybe for example, a look at Halloween with other cultures and the food they pass out on Halloween.

9. Instead of going to Halloween parties dressed up in their favorite costume, adult would go with their best potluck. Instead of "Oh look, the Smith's are dressed as Sonny and Cher" it would be "Oh look, the Smith's brought that great taco dip we had last year. I can't wait to get it."

10. I would have more food than any trick or eater on the block, and I would come home, eat it all and get sick - and be happy doing it.